Inorganic Me

We come from two different worlds. I don’t mean the difference of geographical boundaries but that of thoughts. Not that of language but that of feelings. We could lay it on the way we have grown up, seen the world or experienced our journeys till now.

They say opposites attract. But is it relegated only to the gender or to the other facets in life also? If you look at one’s friends circle, then one sees that we are friends with like minded people in some way or the other. Yes there are those odd balls in that circle too but then most of us have a basic common ground which binds us together.

You say my life revolves around formula 1, movies and music. I never thought of it that way but then when I sat to think about it once I realised that yes at times I do like to surround myself with inanimate comfort factors as they take my pain away when I am bleeding. They don’t have the power to hurt, though if Ferrari loses it depresses me undoubtedly. I find solace in them when I have been pushed to the brink. And the latter happens as I am enormously emotional.

I don’t believe in losing or winning when it comes to love. Love is something where one just gives without any riders. If it’s reciprocated then you have found it. But if it’s not in the same intensity as yours does that mean you ought to stop loving that person? You still go on, don’t you? Because that love is yours and is not dependant on any external factors.

I am deficient in a lot of ways. Perhaps because of this no holds barred mentality of mine I have left myself open to the spears. And that’s why there are walls I have put up around me. It would take time to let the guards down. I did let them down last time around and I got badly bruised. I don’t want to go through that pain yet once again. I know it’s not fair on you but then this is me.

Passionate about life and love. Gleeful at one moment and break into torrents of tears in the other. Prankster to the core yet seriously philosophical. A single digit year trapped in doubles. Excessively expecting. Fantastically depressing. Intensely eccentric.

Am I bearable?

Protracting on the Momentary Lapse of Reason

Never knew that I would be placed in a position like this. But I alone have to bear this blame. After all I did have my misgivings but I overlooked them as I was in “love”. Incidentally so were you. Mine still persisted in spite of all the see-sawing life through at us. You took the shortcut out.

Not only satisfied with the shortcut, you indulged in also taking me hostage for unknown reasons. Was it just a fancy or you thought you should remind me of my past? Great going!!

Thought a scorpio by birth I have never indulged in the one hook that does come with the territory of the arthropod. I never stung. For the first time in my life I want to do that. And not to get back at you for all that you have done to me but just to make you feel just one ounce of that pain you have inflicted on me so erroneously. To tell you that I cannot love you anymore.

Farewell

What thoughts cross
A mother’s mind
As she watched her son die
A policeman’s bullet
In his heart
As she fumbles for words
To express
Love she had taken for granted
Love she thought was permanent
Trying hard to recapture
All those moments
Trying so hard to smile
To say something appropriate
For one last time.

Painful Void

I will not cry
They say I am cold
I’d like to be.
Instead of this nothingness
Over powering me
I cannot think
For ….
My heart would bleed
You ….
Are my every need.
No use for people
Mere happy smiling faces
Nothing to smile at
Or ….
Have I gone mad
Oh!
Anything I’d welcome even hurt
Than this nothingness
Empty ache
I’m cold
It’s just a façade
I love too much
I give my all
I cannot take
A bare existence
I’m too weak
A coward
I’m cold
I have to forget.

Quicksand

We are a clean slate when born. Whilst growing it gets filled with contents and the first few chapters are written. When we gain proper consciousness we re-learn some of the elementals that were instilled in us and re-write our book.

The reason I say ‘proper’ is because though we might attain cognizance at an early stage but it is true only when we start rationalising the same. Am I being comprehendible?

Innocence is also something that we are born with but then it gets chipped away with time. Circumstances mould us and we realise that the principles we base our lives on and hold close to heart will have to go through some minor alterations to suit the outside. What happens if we don’t let go of those? What if we want to live in the ideal world? Why can’t we? It’s said, “Do unto others what you want to be done unto you”. Why doesn’t that hold true? Are these a lot of questions?

I guess the answer lies in the theory of evolution. Survival of the fittest. Those who are in a fluid state of motion progress with the times and those like me who want to have a few constants, try and grasp at the last strands to breathe. We ponder whether to breathe we should compromise and also to what end. Would we be able to live with the weight of the conciliation against our wishes?

Do not want to disown the dream I had. Would love to see it live the reality but for that I would have to let go of some of my beliefs. More importantly would have to open up, even if there is a high possibility of falling. There is an upside to falling. It allows our friends to catch you. Just make sure that those friends have sure hands.

Infinity goes in both directions but does it ensure I’ll get another chance? Wouldn’t know till I allow myself to breathe. But have to hurry before the quicksand engulfs me.

Journeys

A good friend was travelling today on work. What surprised me was the mode of transportation she was taking. The train. I was taken aback. In today’s jet set age, we hate wasting any precious moments. But here she was taking this journey on a whole bunch of wheels. She said it was much better than taking a flight which contributed more to pollution than the train. Point taken but what got me hooked was the spiral my mind did thinking of her travel mode.

Exercised my memory to find the last time I was on a train. Realised it was quite a long time ago. There was a time when while being in Bangalore, I used to travel from Calcutta on the famous Coromondal Express. I used to prep myself with a good read, my disc man with all my favourite CD’s and some clean sandwiches and my tomato juice. I was all set. Somehow would always get the side bunk and I had it all to myself. Being a single girl travelling, had its share of inquisitive eyes but would deftly ward them off with the strict strapping of the earphones and either gluing my eyes to the book or just shutting them off. Bought my solitude and enjoyed it.

When the train left the city limits and ventured into the endless fields of paddy, I gazed out. They were lush green and at times there would be farmers tending to their crops or there would be that lone scarecrow beckoning. The blue skies would put on their show of clouds in different shapes. I have always loved clouds and make my own interpretation of their shapes. And invariably always questioned the creator of the universe. How did he master this art? It was just so perfect.

A commotion would interrupt my attention to the rest of the compartment and then would have to make eye contact with the rest. Some would take that opportunity to open up a conversation and courtesy the good manners that the nuns taught me at SJC, I would be obliged to make some small talk. The small talk would range from the basics of where I was travelling; why I was travelling alone; did I have anyone to receive me at my destination; what was I doing in life and etc etc. Somewhere there would be that nosy parker who would be waiting for the right opportunity to plop the question of what my status was – single or married. Always used to bet with myself about the time frame this question would take to pop from either that lovely uncle or aunty seated on the lower berth.

Never was much of a conversationalist when it came to strangers or maybe it was only when travelling I donned that personality. Rationalised it by saying it was a short journey and one is not in touch with this bunch of unknown strangers when disembarking. Right? But then that is not true. I had met one of my very first crushes on a train journey and that too right under the nose of my hitleresque dad. I still wonder with amusement the way the phone number got slipped in my hands just before getting off at Patna. I can still clearly remember the way the conversation unfolded between us and how it just didn’t seem to want to take a breath. How he protected me when a rowdy group was creating a disturbance and in that how just one accidental touch sent shivers up my spine. I was just in class 10 but Jammu Tawai express just made that journey into a memorable one.

Today they all say time is of the essence. Wasn’t it before too? I am sure it was. Still people did travel by trains and still got the work done. What do achieve by the few hours we cut by flying? Of course I just mean inter country travel and not when one has to go out of their airspaces.

There is so much we miss. I used to love having that matka chai in spite of not being a tea drinker. Loved getting up in the morning to the chaos of the train grinding to a halt with one huge whoosh of smoke at one of the main stations and all the porters or the vendors shouting and selling their wares. Enjoyed standing by the door and taking in the morning breeze when the train started again. I also would make it a point in all my train journeys to get out of my 2 tier AC and take a walk across the compartments. I would then just stand by the doorways there for the course of one whole CD and steal a glimpse in the life of a set of people whose lives didn’t frequent mine. It grounded me.

Told myself that need to take a train trip soon. No particular reason but to just savour the air and the sound of the ever familiar chug of the train.

The Maid Servant

She enters wordlessly
Eyes on the floor
Straight to the kitchen
Knife in hand
She slaughters the vegetables.
‘My husband’s hand
his legs and body ….
There, he’s chopped to bits!’
She smiles inwardly.
‘Now I’ll boil him
Fry him, burn him’
Cooking is done

She goes to the bathroom
Fills the tub with warm water
Adds detergent.
‘This acid is corrosive
But nothing’s too strong for my vile mother-in-law.
And I’ve pushed her in
Cry for mercy, you witch!’
She bands the clothes against the rock
Strangles each garment, one by one
Washing is done.

She enters her home wordlessly
Her hatred and anger
Hidden by fear and submission
Provoking yet another thrashing from her husband
Harsh words and beating from mother-in-law
She cooks and clears up;
Dies yet again
Waiting to kill once more ….
Another day is done.

Addiction

In random order

• One true moment of connection
• Intellectual assets
• Seducing the unattainable
• Speed & Heights
• Foreplay of the mind [to start off with]
• Beautiful dawn
• Chaotic stability
• Uncontaminated mind
• Experimentation
• Hugs
• Sushi & Fuchka [latter bong for panipuri]
• I am profoundly attracted to images and words. The first time I discovered reality is when I began writing. I established an extension of myself.

Momentary Lapse of Reason

As I sit down to write this I am bare. Regrets? No I don’t have any. Most of my adult life I have led my life the way I wanted. In that trail, I have lost my family, a lot of friends but I still carried on. Till now barring just one exception where I went against my better judgement I have always stood by my decisions. But that one stride left me devoid. I’ve ceased to believe…. in sense, in justice, in life. I want the end to come soon.

Where did it go astray? Someone whom I hold to high esteem segregated love in Small and Big. To quote him, “Small Love began with all the promise of a Big Love but it traced the mediocre path of relationship, engagement, marriage, kids, and so on, and at every step extinguishing the flame of love and settling down to an arrangement ordered compromise, a trade-in, whereas, Big Love remained perpetually big on euphoria, discovery and erotica. It never settled down in comfort. It never labeled itself and it was never was predictable. Importantly, it was incomplete, and big. A perpetual nagging longing that was capable of both profound hurt and unbridled happiness.” [Before I go any further, I have to say he so poignantly articulated what I had just devised in one unknown corner of my mind-thanks!]

To come back to my thoughts, I thought ours was big but then I was mistaken. It was of the former variant. Real love is total. It’s like life or death. Like you know you are going to die when you’re apart, because the need is so pure, so complete. It’s what I undergo.

Realised, notwithstanding my rebellious nature, I still covet stability. I was happy in my aloneness. Told you, “If you fell in love with me, you would be lighting a candle in a room full of lights”. You still barged in. I pedalled away as fast as I could as if I were escaping from longing, from innocence, from love, from all that made me smile knowing that it wasn’t going to last. To be true, you treated me like a woman. Till then I was just one of the guys in the gang and never thought these things would have mattered. But I guess it did. And that was the beginning of my first mislaid pace.

Dreams which I had only reflected on were coming to life. I gave it a go. What I didn’t bargain for is the hook, line and sinker routine. You reeled me in and then spurt me out. But that was not what we promised when we embarked. We said this would be for keeps. Well that wasn’t to be.

Instead I was in a darker place of nothingness. It was where I started from just with the difference of yet more excruciating reminiscences. As if I didn’t have my share of aches. I wanted to be alone when I am dead. People fear death. They don’t want to face it alone. But we are still alone. It’s just nicer to be alone together. Platitudes are harder to bear. You killed my joy.

Conquering sedation

Opening my eyes every morning has become a task. I ask myself do I have to? The answer bellows, pressed by the modern day necessity of having to sustain. But what is sustenance? The more pertinent question would be, to what end? Are we living for ourselves or are we just filling in the blanks? Is normalcy putting a patch on your wound and moving on? Is that what living is?

The alarm breaks my train of thought and I am reminded of the minutes ticking. Unenthusiastically I feel myself getting up, though I see my soul still curling under the comforter. And then it strikes me, lately I have been sleep walking through my life. In the midst of all the rush/chaos in life, we leave our souls behind. We need to walk slowly so that they can catch up with us. For what? Everything that seems pointless?

Depression is engulfing me and I feel like a disease whose own unhappiness is marring other’s enjoyment. When asked how the great US depression started, Ernest Hemmingway said “Gradually, then suddenly”. When is that going to happen to me?

I have been trying to feel the numbness. I want to be deprived of my tears. I want my eyes to be empty of everything, just like me, nothing but a destroyed face.

The Doomed

The girl leaning over the balcony
Looks with curious, beaming eyes;
Her budding breasts pressed
Against the concrete railings
And in her eyes
All dreamy love in a dewy
Luscent drop of uncertainty
Though unknown to her, her life
Is already charted out
In neat and well divided lines:
Now she will play with toys
Now she will see boys
Now she will marry a stranger
Now pot bellied and petulant
She shall keep watch
Over her children growing up.

Grieve

When you’re sorry and there’s deep sorrow
Lock your eye like you would
Your window
Connected to that inside world
Connected to the strength of a bull
Connected to the clarity of the crystal
Whipped up energy
Thought after thought after thought
Rests locked inside
Like the coils of a spring

Open your eyes and you connect
With a wall, a tree
And out you go uncoiled
Sucked by the wall
And hurting into the wall, the tree ….

It hurts,
Shut your eyes, when in pain.

Abandoned Promises

I strongly believe in the power of words, especially the spoken ones. I can honestly say that for most of the time I have always veered to the path of keeping the promises I have made in my adult life.

Isn’t it said that in life, do unto others what you would like done to you. Well then in that case why don’t others keep their promises? Don’t they have an obligation too? Or am I just dim?

Well judging by the impaired heart I think had the injuries been severe enough I wouldn’t have suffered. Do we have to figure out how to take care of ourselves? I don’t even know if I have what it takes?

Everyone said I had to walk again. I wasn’t in the mood. I needed it to be right again. Why can’t life be fair? At times I feel that I should have kept quiet in spite of being in the know. It’s better to be in the dark as there may be fear but there is also hope.

Well love lost its cause and today is yet another tolerable day in the land of many.

Humpty Dumpty

i always look at life in all its innocence. take people always at face value [most of the time at least, and thus invariably fall flat on my face and break wrenching out excruciatingly] as i am very transparent with my thoughts. i expect others to reciprocate in the same manner. in my mind i am still a child. and yes when love happens, the world just does a humpty dumpty.

Eternal

The four stages of a butterfly are as follows
Egg
Larva
Pupa
Butterfly
It’s the classic case of the ugly duckling which turned out to be the beautiful swan. Nature with all its bounty has time and again shown us how from a kernel the flora blossoms. Why can’t then love follow the same motion.
When we are in love, in the initial stages, we become blind [I say this from profound experience]. We are in love with all that is good in the other person and with the feeling of being in love. Rarely do we see the cons to the pros. Even if we do, we shove it under the rug. We are in love, we proclaim. We are in full splendour much like the butterfly fluttering nearby.
As time wanes, love takes a different form. It becomes complacent. Further on, it then goes into regression. We take the other person for granted and we forget the love that attracted us to the very person we are living with under the same roof.
Every relationship requires a lot of hard work they say. Is that the only requisite? Hard work towards what? Did we define that goal when we started the journey? And if so, then are we assessing if we are stepping towards it in unison or did we divert somewhere and that too on our own without the knowledge of the other?
A relationship, no matter what name we give it should always be the union of two souls at the bare. When we embark on it, we are invariably on the same page. What we need to achieve constantly is turn the leaves together. This would then culminate to an eternity of the skipped heart beat we experienced when we saw the other cross the road towards 'us'.

Emancipation

Question Posed: Do you think each time one goes through a broken relation, a part of the self dies? While you agree that love is the basic ingredient of a healthy relation, can you fall in love again? Can you? With me? Thats all I need and am ready to give it too.

My Answer: Genes mutate. And what are we? Just a bunch of DNA's right? So when we go through a broken relationship, we break but then we start mutating again. Pain stays on in one corner of ourselves but it also forges us to give birth to a new self. This new self comes with all its walls and boundaries and we feel cocooned in it. We know that we are not going to lower the moat anymore.
But then guess what? Love, the basic ingredient of any life form, is like a weed. The more you want to uproot it, it breeds back again. It then proceeds onto entwine us in a taut grasp and leave us breathless. We suffocate initially but in that asphyxiated state we come into our own being. The same DNA that we were, before the mutation still remains the core but the sheath is slight bit different.
Love is not a demand and neither is it equivocal.
Love is liberated, it is sinuous and it knows no end

Mute Hills

Poignant eyes shadow
The vagrant clouds
Adrift amongst
The latitudes of snow
In search of repose….
The uphill inclines
The distant hamlets
Silent deodars
Seduced of beauty
Perceive the dull notes
Of the sound of silence
In their quest
Of that tranquil vale….
The pendulous cones
Quaking in the frost
Awaits their fate
In the quagmire
Of the mushy earth
The grey of the suspended mist
Stains me in
The color of your absence

Me

There are many things I do not reveal
Whatever is my truth is lost in the swirl
Of my rotating disguises.
There I am in the corner on a creaking rocker
In the musty light reeking of dust and yellow paper
Sobs echo in the hall
But as you come closer
There I am laughing at my own jokes.
What’s so funny?
I am.

Those claw marks on my cheeks
Are just the tears burnt dry
From this week’s lies
And the fading sun you see
Is just the morning over me.

Closed Chapters

Today has been the end of a chapter. Engulfed by a range of emotions. Joy, sadness, success and loss. These last three years have been an ever changing process. Re-learnt the basics of advertising – learnt that it’s not only about managing a brand but also being able to handle the client at very nascent stages. They did not teach us this at school but learn I did. And it was a great experience.
With all the teeth grinding, the head banging, the flurry of new found obscenities, the scene was nothing but interesting to say the least. For each one client who knew their boundaries and skill sets, there were the other ten of them who thought they were jack of all trades. Needless to say they were master of some. But once again it was a hilarious drive all the way. Just like the one I had with a Syrian colleague of mine while going to do a road-show for one of my favourite clients. To make it interesting for her we started following all the white cars in the midst of rush hour traffic from Dubai to Sharjah. It was a comical sight to see my beetle fleetingly change lanes. It was a fun and successful evening. The clients were ecstatic, the road-show a success after the initial hiccup or two.
At office also learnt a few things – like learning to say the simple good morning. That was huge considering I am not at all a morning person. I am the crabbiest of all and had clear instructions to colleagues and clients alike of not approaching me till 10:30am!! Desired that early morning silence for my sake otherwise I would have been hated even more. Learnt patience which I so lacked and still do to some extent. But for that I must credit a few people, one of them being my puchai and the other being a client. Oh yes, I also learnt how to build a bank of white lies which I would rotate judiciously.
At the end of this road, I can clearly say I am satisfied with the journey. Not only had I found a nest of great people who will be there with me for the rest of my life but I also discovered a lot about myself. It’s yet another chapter which I completed in more ways than one.

Nothing on my mind

Knew about the repercussions, the emotions, the sleepless nights and also the gut wrenching pain but still went ahead jumping into the abyss. Now that I am agonized for all the obvious reasons I wonder the reason for the steps I treaded. Was it because the force of it was too strong? Or was it because I just wanted to be held or was I so exalted that I walked all over my principles? It does not matter. There is no justification. I ambled through the path. So what's there on my mind, you ask? Absolute Nothing. That’s what is on my mind.

Unnecessary baggage

We came alone and we will depart alone too. Isn’t that what is always said? Then in that case shouldn’t we live the world for ourselves? Why the complications of thinking of the society at large. And when I say society I not only mean our own family but also the milieu of our acquaintances. I purposely leave true friends out as they are the only ones who do let us live for us without any judgment.

Why are we relegated to always wondering what the entire social fabric is going to think if we do this or if we do that? Why don’t we think how we will feel if we don’t do what we long for? I always say that at the end of the day when I look at the mirror I have to be able to look myself in the eye without any hesitation or ignominy. Till date I have been able to do so, most of the time, barring a few blue moons.

I remember once a friend had told me that we can’t and shouldn’t even try to find all that we seek from just one relationship. We all have different needs which are satiated in different ways. And the toughest of them all is the cerebral connect. Rarely do we find that chord and since its so elusive when we do, we shouldn’t let go at all. Hold onto it with all that you have got darling. Don’t carry the unnecessary baggage of the traditions.

Choices and Camouflage

Pick your choice
[1] A true boyfriend who changed the landscape
[2] A menu item: It seems I came out well, post being roasted on the skewer. As per you, “U came out well. A bit hard on the outside and juicy as you bite. Cooked medium rare with my special BBQ sauce. Very succulent”
[3] Your highly inflated ego
[4] A toy: Your favourite one for the moment I believe. Something that you would die for, again as per you.
[5] A wild cat: You seem to harbour the impression that you have collared it. You are highly mistaken, as always, I might add
[6] A loser who doesn’t win at all. “Keep trying. Practice makes a wo-man perfect” – this once again as per you
[7] Thrill that you are chasing

Fighting with all that we have, at times to just camouflage the sheer nothingness. Why can’t we have a normal conversation without all our claws and blazing guns coming out? Can we ever do that or are we too feral for that?

Oh yes FYI, there is a temperature on both ends – that’s for sure and it is natural. No misinterpretation or obscuring fact it is.

Change & Skewing

You say the landscape has changed for you – did it for me? Well don’t know the equivalent word for inside my home [interiors is way too bland] but yes everything looks a bit different. There are memories strewn around and I enjoy watching them swirling.
Seems like you only found a boyfriend in the landscape!! Good for you darling but I think I found something more. Don’t know what to name it – actually there is one, in my head but scared to say fearing it will evaporate once it’s uttered.
Skewing – is it the mind or me you want to? Be clear and I will consider whether or not I want the lemon to be squeezed?

Restlessness

For a myriad of reasons can’t seem to get the elusive sleep. One reason could be that we didn’t somehow connect today. There were some separated conversations but nothing that added up. I know that from my part I held back but did you too?
Was amazing how we both reached out at the same time. It was telepathy – eerie huh? How on earth did we strike at the same time? Lot was said with just a few words. But are we to believe our own words – we did say that we would be brutally honest and seems like you have been. I would love to be as I am intrinsically candid but fear the outcome.
The other reason could be my own – the pain I wanted to feel. It’s not been enough. Still need to press on with the agenda of exacting the tear.

'97

The room in darkness
glimpses of you
in the light of the candle.
I’m outside, I know.
When does one stop trying?
I’ll never know,
When the ‘inside’ becomes out of reach.

The “Thought”

I have misplaced the “thought” you gave me,
When I first left home
In search of knowledge.

The “thought”, do you remember?
It woke me up before every dawn,
Urging me to study for the exam.
I carried it with me, carefully,
Traveling from city to city.
Later, it was my source of wisdom
Whenever I was hurt or let down.

That “Thought” sounded an alarm
Before the weather report….
Useful in the laboratory of life
Measuring my growth
After many experiments.

The “Thought” that was a toy
For my father; he felt he had to take
All decision for me.
I changed many night shelters,
Hoping to find a cuckoo’s nest – perhaps a home.

The “Thought” was a great solace
Beneath my pillow
Throughout my boarding days,
A precious parting gift of childhood
When I was inquisitive and fearless.
It was a messenger to remind me
That heart-beats have to be counted
And a stranger’s expression assessed!

You once told me the “Thought” was important
For young girls in an immortal world.
I boarded the places from Calcutta
To Amsterdam to Delhi to Singapore to Chicago to Los Angeles
To Calcutta to Dhaka to Bangalore, Bombay and then to Dubai
Composing songs and reading poems
To a mass of faces, searching
For love and harmony and a sense of belonging

The “Thought”. I live its loss….

Pushing the confines

Push was the word that was running all amok in my head. Push the limits, push the envelope, push the precincts and push yourself to oblivion.
What did I achieve – the pain that I wanted to feel. It is sweet but I still don’t think its enough. I need to do more in whichever way I can to feel the same aching I felt not so long ago. I know I can endure more so bring it on.
Push yourself incessantly and inexorably till you break. Only then will I be contented.

Space & High

Know this is not the end but then the fact that the two sides of the same soul didn’t meet leaves one feeling incomplete. Didn’t realize was going to be affected by your presence so much. Just back from a party where though was present [and yes I did behave well, very well infact!!] my soul was somewhere else. Why did you grab it? Couldn’t you have just held it without taking such a firm grasp? Should I even try to wrestle myself out? Or are you still going to fight me on that as always?
Not drunk, well not yet completely. It would take more than 8 shots of various variants and quadruple pegs of my signature J&B to do the sway. Was more drunk on life the last few days. Don’t know when that hangover would end or even if I want it to. It feels good to be high – now I understand the exact meaning of the word “high”. Yes I too am on cloud 9!!
Wearing your skin – it does feel good but not as you, exhilarated on me. Yes that feels complete.

sheer nothingness

at times we waste our precious time in talking sheer nothingness when we know what is actually transpiring. a mask we place on to hide the but obvious from the world at large and also from ourselves. a mental mating some might say. why are we shy of wanting to do what we want to and saying what we wish to. why the inhibitions?

Fleeting Episodes

i never confined love to any definite terms and constants. always loved the way it came and enveloped my life. love has different shades and hues to it besides the layers. and when it is unpressured without any expectations you bask in it completely.
i find myself smiling unknowingly and enjoying it too. also surprising is that it strikes me in the morning too, when i am the most crabbiest of the human race.
gather up all this lovely feelings and place it in my palm and bring them close to my heart. kiss it and tuck it away for the rainy days when i am sitting at the edge of my window and seeing the rain trickling down the panes.

True Stranger

strangers - what's that? arent we all strangers to ourselves too? at times when you meet these so called strangers, we realise how similar we are. at times its surreal to find your mirror image sitting opposite and all this time you thought you were strangers. am i making sense? i dont know. all i know is that at times its fun to meet strangers who then become your true girlfriends/boyfriends in the most innocent term of the word.

For The Muses

Time and again
you mirrored my curiosity,
pushed my pen, spun phrases
for a silent immersion in verse.

Melodies I searched for
and reflective moments.

But my dear
the values and the elements
one is asked to live with
amidst a world of contours.

To compose a song
In the wilderness
Among jarring voices, not knowing
What is music, what is noise.

Distant faces smile at me from the void.
I am unable to climb to the shrine of the Muses
on my bruised feet.

Far Away

Distanced.
Perhaps by places
not time
for I bet you think of when I think of you.

Distanced.
Perhaps then by people
not places,
for you reside within me.

Distanced.
Perhaps then many be by souls
not people,
for I see none but you, even in a crowd.

Distanced.
Perhaps then, may be [is it?] by ourselves
not souls,
for what else was that concept of soul mate?

Distanced.
Yes, painfully and surely by ourselves
Me and you from ‘us’

I knew it [did I?] and yet as usual never
Let go of a single chance to think of you
as mine,
as always….